


year after year after year

by NebulousDream



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Grave visiting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, can be interpreted as established relationship if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 09:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19720465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NebulousDream/pseuds/NebulousDream
Summary: Kaoru visits his mother's grave once a year, to pay his respects. This time, more than others, it hurts. Rei helps.





	year after year after year

It was raining. It was always raining on this day, for as long as Kaoru could remember. Year after year, the sun refused to come out. Kaoru understood: there was no reason for it to shine on a day like this.

He continued his slow trudge up the hill leading to the graveyard, umbrella clutched tightly in one hand. Kaoru was careful not to meet the eyes of any passerby, just in case they wanted to have a conversation with him. He'd tilt his umbrella at just the right angle to obscure any passing curious stares from cute girls. Today wasn't a day to flirt.

The graveyard was guarded by a pedestrian gate, not that it was ever locked. It was more for show, Kaoru knew, and still he appreciated its familiar creak as he pushed it open. He walked slowly along the rows of tombstones, wondering absently how many more were added since last year. His heart went out to the families of those who were lost. Though he couldn't help feeling bitter as he saw the dates on some of them: those resting had lived long, satisfying lives. They weren't taken too soon.

He shook the thought from his head. _It's rude to be bitter like this,_ he thought. _I should put on a brave face for her._

Eventually, he turned, walking down to the familiar patch of grass in front of his mother's grave. It wasn't fancy, since his family couldn't afford something like that (was what he'd been _told,_ though what he _heard_ was that his mother wasn't worth anything more). He bent down, carving out a small space to plant a small bundle of flowers he'd brought along. Year after year, he planted them, and year after year, they were pelted by raindrops until they drowned. Kaoru had no concept of how long they survived, since his trips were limited to just once a year.

_Should I visit more, mom? Would you like that?_

He stood, staring down at the flowers as the raindrops plopped and slid, pooling in the dirt. A sigh escaped his lips.

_I wonder if you would be proud of where I am now._

The thought sat in his chest and ached. It had been 10 years, and still if felt like she'd died yesterday. He cried for so long that his sister let him stay home from school. He cried harder at the funeral, watching them lower her into this spot on the ground. She only ever got to know him – and he only got to know her – as a child. There were so many things he wondered now, about how she would feel about them. Would she be proud of him for trying to become an idol? Would she disagree, and call it a waste of time, too? Would she be worried, since it calls for a lot of travel abroad?

His breath caught in his throat, his eyes welling up. The answer didn't even matter to him—it was not knowing that hurt the most. He sniffled, rubbing at his eyes to keep the tears from spilling onto his cheeks.

_I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry. I promised I'd stop crying._

"It's alright. I'm sure she understands."

Kaoru jumped, turning to the source of the voice and sputtering. "S-Sa-Sakuma-san!? How did you...?"

"I didn't follow you, if that's what you're asking. I had some business nearby, and I caught sight of you on the way out." He was silent for a moment, looking down at the headstone. "Did you plant those orchids, Kaoru-kun?"

Kaoru only nodded. His heart was still training for the Olympics in his chest.

Rei smiled at them. "They're beautiful. It's very thoughtful of you."

"I do it every year," he said, looking back at the flowers before glancing to Rei. "Sakuma-san, you're going to get soaked."

Kaoru switched the hand he was holding his umbrella in and stepped closer to Rei, covering them both as best he could.

"You really are such a thoughtful boy, Kaoru-kun. Looking after an old man like me even in your grief." He paused. "It's different than when we were kids."

Kaoru frowned. "When we were kids…?"

"Ah, I suppose you wouldn't remember." Rei smiled, looking nostalgic. "You were inconsolable. I had said to you, 'Don't worry. You'll see her again.' And you pushed me aside, running off. I never saw you near the shrine again, after that."

"Oh." The memory was fuzzy, but he could see himself doing something like that. After all, _everyone_ was reassuring him left and right that he would see his mother again someday. That everything would be alright, in the end. It was no way to console someone who was grieving, in Kaoru's opinion. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. You were young, and I was foolishly spouting whatever was parrotted to me before." He turned to face Kaoru. "I should allow you some time alone."

"No!" Kaoru blurted with a bit more force than necessary. He cleared his throat, looking sheepishly at his feet. "No. You can stay, I don't...I don't mind."

Rei simply smiled, light dancing in his eyes despite the dismal weather around them. He stepped a bit closer, looping his arm around Kaoru's waist. He found himself leaning into the touch. They remained that way for some time, the rain tapping softly against the umbrella filling the silence comfortably. Kaoru's attention was brought back to the flowers, which were beginning to bow forward from the weight of the water. They sort of tumbled over each other as the rain spilled from their petals, allowing them enough relief to stand for a few minutes before dipping forward again.

Kaoru felt a little like that, sometimes. Like the rain was all his grief, and he had to come out here and stand in front of his mother's grave and cry it out. Year after year, it was always the same.

At the same moment he registered his cheeks felt wet, Rei slid around to stand in front of him, lifting the hand that wasn't resting against his waist to gently wipe the tears off his cheeks.

"You're not alone, Kaoru-kun," Rei's voice was barely above a whisper, but his words still struck Kaoru's chest like a hammer. "I'm here with you. And I'm sure your mother is looking down at you now, admiring what a thoughtful, caring young man you've become. I'm sure she's proud of you."

Somehow, that just made Kaoru cry harder. He let his head fall to Rei's shoulder and shook, keeping a sob locked behind pursed lips. He sniffled as Rei's hand rubbed slow, comforting circles at the small of his back. It was calming, and Kaoru felt so much lighter after he'd cried for a minute.

He wasn't ready to lift his head yet, though. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"It's alright. Grief is an ongoing process, Kaoru-kun, and I would never think any less of you for taking the time you need to heal." Kaoru lifted his head to see Rei offering him a gentle, warm smile. "I'm simply happy I could be here for you."

Part of Kaoru loathed how easy it seemed to be for Rei to make him feel so _warm,_ but he decided today wasn't the day to fight it. Instead, he smiled. "I am, too, actually. Thank you, Sakuma-san."

"Ahh, seeing you smile again is all the thanks I need," Rei cupped Kaoru's cheek, still smiling in that way that made Kaoru's stomach flip. "The rain is letting up. Would you like to accompany me to that new cafe that just opened? I heard they have delicious dessert pancakes...my treat, since I interrupted you."

Kaoru smirked, raising an eyebrow. "You really think you can tempt me with that?"

"Did it work?"

He laughed. "Of course it did. Let's go."

Rei plucked the umbrella out of Kaoru's hands, turning to guide them to the cafe. As Kaoru bid his mother's resting place goodbye, he noticed the flowers. They looked bright and healthy, almost glowing in the late afternoon light. Smiling, he followed after Rei, allowing their hands to brush together as they walked. It was the lightest Kaoru had felt on this day in a decade. He looked up, admiring how the sunlight danced along the edges of the clouds.

_I'll always miss you, mom...but I think today is going to be okay._

**Author's Note:**

> WOW it has been...two years since I posted any fic here on AO3. That's mostly because I wrote a book (though it's not published yet, it's at least finished), but I'm back and more in love with Kaoru Hakaze than ever. Please enjoy this little nugget of kaorei, since there is Not Enough of it.
> 
> I also lost my mom at a young age, so this was equal parts difficult and cathartic for me to write, too. I believe everyone deserves to have a healthy support system in their life, even if they drop in unexpected like Rei did.
> 
> Feel free to talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tidalzora) to chat about all things Kaoru Hakaze and Rei Sakuma (and other idol things too, if you want. I like i7 and Aichuu and dream!ing and talking to people in general about stuff. I'll even ramble about my book, if you're curious).


End file.
